How Long Has It Been
by Mona Love
Summary: A Drabble for Imestizaa :). Charles and Elsie's wedding night does not go as planned...


_This little Drabble...well it kinda ran away with me and ended up a little longer and steamer than I originally intended. Anyway, this is for imestizaa, who requested "How long has it been?" From the prompts list I reblogged. I hope you like it dear ;)... I hope you all do ;) xoxo_

Even fully cloaked in her dressing gown and shadowed in the darkness of their candlelit bedroom, Elsie felt entirely exposed to her husband. "Charles I've never..." She could hardly say the words, and when his hand went to caress her cheek softly, she stopped completely.

"I wish I could say the same, my dearest. I've not been so reserved in my life. I've had my moments of weakness over the years." His voice was low and soft, his eyes lowering in embarrassment or possibly shame, she did not know which, but she was shocked by his words.

"You have? What exactly do you mean by 'over the years', Charles?" Elsie said pointedly, stepping back and pulling her dressing gown tighter around her chest. "How long has it been?"

"Must you know?" He said stiffly, pulling back from her and drawing himself upright in defense. "It was all before we had any understanding. It shouldn't matter what a man does.." His attempt to dissuade her had made him gruffer sounding than he meant to be.

"It bloody well matters to me Charles Carson!" Her emotions were twisting inside her. Did she even have the right to know? Her mind was telling her no, but her heart, the heart that had stayed lonely and faithful to him for so many long years, was telling her yes. Yes, he should have been as faithful to their friendship and unspoken devotion to each other as she! Been as lonely and untouched as she! Spent his nights yearning for her touch as she had for his. She could feel the knot forming in her stomach as she asked a question she wasn't even sure she wanted to know the answer to. "How long has it been since you've been with another woman?"

"Please...Are we really to discuss this right now? On the night of our wedding?" He was pulling back from her, stiffening and retreating into himself and becoming the man he'd always hid behind.

She remained still, her eyes on him, her arms clutched around her, as if holding in her very heart so as it would not seep from her chest at his words.

"Very well then. Though I don't believe you'll like the answer." He said firmly, standing tall, his hands clasped behind his back as if daring her to judge him. "It was the season before last. After you came to London for Lady Rose's wedding. When you left with the others for Downton."

Elsie turned her back to him. Unable to hold in the emotions bubbling to the surface within in her. Though she tried to fight them, tears sprang to her eyes. Charles' hand went to her shoulder and she pulled away as if burnt by his touch.

"Why did you push me Elsie? Why couldn't you have just let it lie?" His words were not harsh, but fraught with desperation. "I didn't...It wasn't what you would imagine...You and I, we were not..I was not..."

Though his words were not meant to harm, they injured her to her core. "You were not what Charles? In love with me? We weren't what...married? Committed to each other? So we were what exactly all these years, merely colleagues? Is that all I've ever been to you? Is this honestly just a marriage of convenience for you? Maybe they are all correct in their musings? Maybe you just needed a piece of the house to take with you, and I happened to be that comfortable, old, familiar piece of Downton. You have never wanted me...as a woman...a lover." Feeling defeated and lost, the words flowed freely from her before she marched out their bedroom and into the spare room across the hall, shutting the door behind her.

Charles stood watching her as she walked away. Could hear the turn of the key in the lock across the hall. His despair soon turned to anger and confusion. How could she accuse him of not wanting her? Was she not just in the same room as him? Could she not see his need for her? The passion within him? He stormed over to the door and opened his mouth to call to her when he heard her muffled sobs. He felt physically ill. Was sick with himself for hurting her. Was ashamed of his past transgressions. "Mrs. Hughes." Not Mrs. Carson. Would she even want to be Mrs. Carson now? "Please...I never meant to hurt you. Elsie...I love you...I've always loved you." Tears fell from his eyes. "Open the door, love. I'll tell you everything. Anything you want to know. Please?" He could hear her soft steps cross the room and the door was slowly opening before him.

Her eyes were red rimmed, but dried. "Why, Charles? Why these women? Why...why not me?"

"It was never what I wanted, Elsie. They were never who I truly wanted. I'm disgusted with myself. I told myself I was helping them. That they needed money. That I was kind." His lowered eyes turned even further away from her. "I told myself that if I just had the release, if I imagined it was you I was loving. That I...that I could make it through one more year with you. That I could be near you and not be so tortured. That I could stand next to you and not feel intoxicated by your scent. Be drawn in by the deep blue of your eyes. Be driven mad when you tug at your lower lip as you are right now." He lifted his hand to her face, wanting to caress the soft flesh of her lower lip as her teeth bit into it gently, but pulled back not knowing if she'd even want him near her now. Now that she knew his truth. That he was a weak man. A man filled with flaws and sins. "I don't expect your forgiveness Elsie. I would take it all back if I could. I never wanted you to find out you were marrying such a weak and dishonorable man. You are everything that is pure and beautiful. I knew that I didn't deserve you. That it was wrong to want you so badly. But I have..." He brought his eyes to hers now. "I have desired you since the day you stepped through the doors of Downton. I have imagined you in every way possible that a man can imagine a woman. I have longed to feel every inch of your body. To taste your skin. To make you cry my name out in passion. To love you more than any man has ever loved a woman." His words were soft and low, spoken slowly and with meaning, just as they were the night he proposed. Only now his shoulders were stooped in defeat, his eyes sorrowful and uncertain.

She couldn't speak. If there were words to describe what she was feeling they were lost on her. She only wanted to ease his pain. To give him no doubt of her devotion and love for him. To show her deepest desire. To finally give herself to the only man she'd ever loved. This man who had once more bared his soul to her. She moved closer and placed her hands on his chest, stepping into him and pushing him backwards, across the hall and into their bedroom. There were no longer any doubts between them as they gazed into one another's eyes. "I love you Charles...and I want you..all of you...just as you are." She tugged at the soft fabric of his pajama top and pulled him down towards her.

No sooner had her words escaped and his hands were cupping her face. His lips pressed down onto hers, taking her bottom lip between his and sucking softly while running his tongue along the swollen pink flesh. His fingers slid down her neck, his lips following as Elsie tilted her head back in ecstasy and drug her fingers through the soft silver of his hair. This was all finally happening. Her knees nearly buckled as he sucked softly where her neck met her shoulder. His hands sliding from her shoulders to the tie of her dressing gown. His nimble fingers quickly pulling the sash open and gliding beneath the gown. She could feel the warmth of his hands burning through the sheer silk of her nightgown. The gown she had purchased for this special evening. Charles groaned deeply as his hand slid upwards and wrapped delicately around her breast. His thumb ran across her tightened peak and she sighed his name softly Into his ear.

"Oh Elsie." His deep voice vibrated across her lips as he kissed her again, deeply and passionately. Opening her mouth to his, their tongues moving together in some primal instinctual way Elsie had never known. Her hands going to the buttons of his top, she unhooked them quickly, the need to feel him against her, now becoming overwhelming. The ache building within her, the throbbing between her thighs driving her forward into the unknown of lovemaking. She pushed the shirt from his shoulders and her fingers ran through the soft hairs of his chest, across the pale pink nipples. Charles groaned as his pushed away her dressing gown and slid the thin straps of her nightgown from her shoulders. His hands went back to her breast, pulling her gown down and exposing the soft, pale globes. He encompassed them both, softly kneading them as his fingers pinched her firm pink nipples. Elsie leaned into him and grasped his shoulders for support. Sensing her faltering, he turned them into the bed and laid her down gently.

Elsie stared up at him, taking in his broad and muscled chest, the slight roundness of his stomach, the large bulge in his pajama bottoms. She propped herself on her elbows and smiled sweetly at him. He grinned down at her as his hands went to the tie on his trousers. She took her bottom lip into her mouth as she watched them drop and expose his solid length to her. She gasped and inhaled sharply, her thighs squeezing together to quell the throbbing of her center. He was large, and beautiful, and she wanted to so badly to touch him. She sat up on the edge of the bed, her nightgown now pooled around her waist. She reached towards him and ran her fingertips along the smooth hardness.

"Els..." He sighed as his head fell forward. She stood, and with a slight tug, her nightgown had joined his trousers on the floor. They were now completely bare to one another, body and soul. There were no secrets or lies, only love and desire. Complete adoration and respect. Charles took her hips in his hands and guided her back down onto the bed, sliding her up to make room for him to climb in between her thighs. He lowered himself and brushed his hardness against her center. Elsie's hips rose from the bed and pressed herself against him. He lowered himself and kissed her, over and over again as he whispered words of love against her lips. He kisses trailed down her neck, his lips moving to her breasts. His tongue licking across her nipples before taking each into his mouth and sucking firmly. Elsie writhed beneath him, her sighs and moans urging him onward. He kisses moved lower across her stomach, her navel, above the curled patch between her legs. Her hands went to his head as he lowered his lips to her center, a deep, vibrating, groan coming from him as he tasted her silky, wet, folds. Elsie stiffened at first, she had never imagined he could do this. She did not live in a sack, but this was something she most definitely had never known of lovemaking. Her thoughts left her quickly as she was overtaken by pleasure so intense she could not control her own body. It writhed beneath Charles on it's own accord. Thrusting and grinding against his lips, chasing something. The throbbing and need intensifying and building, coiling tightly within her whole body before exploding. Her thighs clamped against his face, her legs shaking, her head thrown back against the pillows. She had never felt such an intense feeling of relief and pleasure in her life. Charles continued to lap at her as she tugged at his hair, pulling him up towards her. He wiped the back of his hand across his face, his lips glistening from her wetness.

"Charles... That was... You were.." He smiled broadly before silencing her with a searing kiss. He pulled back and looked into her eyes as he settled himself against her, his hand wrapping around her thigh and bringing her leg up around him. Then she felt him slowly sink into her. Could feel her body pulsing around him as she was overcome with a feeling of tightness, of him filling her. Then he began to move, long and slow strokes, each one driving her closer and closer to the intense rush she felt only moments ago. She moved with him, her hips rising to meet his. Their bodies moving together, his chest hovering over her, his strong, muscled arms like pillars on either side of her. Holding him above, around her. All at once, protective and powerful. He thrusts quickened and she matched him, loudly crying out his name when her body was once again feeling that intense release, only this time it rolled over her in waves, drawing out with each thrust into her. His pace soon quickened and his body shuddered as she felt him release inside her. His head fell and his eyes shut tightly, his arms shaking, she pulled him down onto her breasts, her fingers playing in his soft silver curls, caressing the now stubbled skin of his cheeks. "I love you Charles Carson."

Charles lay there for a moment before rolling them over and pulling Elsie up into his arms. He kissed her forehead, her cheek. "Elsie Carson, I love you like I have never loved another. You are every beat of my heart. The very breath of my lungs." He kissed her lips softly as she smiled against his. "My darling wife."

_So there we are, my dears. I'm not quite sure I have it in me anymore, but I gave it a shot. I have two more in the works right now... What do you think? Please leave me a little review if you liked it...or not ;) Thanks, Mona xoxo_


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